#yes I have a book buying problem I am aware

[artemismatchalatte]

Mostly WLW (and a few MLM) books I've bought in 2023

Passing Strange by Ellen Klages and The Night Watch by Sarah Waters (both are historic fiction WLW)

Like Water by Rebecca Podos (WLW YA) and One Last Stop by Casey McQuinston (WLW New Adult)

Cemetery Boys by Aidan Thomas (I think MLM YA with a trans MC?) and Our Wives Under The Sea by Julia Armfeild (Contemporary Adult WLW)

The Unlit Lamp by Radclyffe Hall (implied WLW classic) and The Trials of Radclyffe Hall by Diana Souhani (Biography of gnc lesbian writer Radclyffe Hall)

What Makes Girls Sick and Tired by Lucile de Peslouan and Genivive Darling (Graphic Novel on Feminism) and Hear us out: Lesbian and Gay Stories of Progress, Struggle and Hope from the 1950s to the Present by Nancy Garden (2000s; WLW and MLM history and historic fiction)

I had an idea for a new kind of book photoshoot. These were all bought used via Thriftbooks.com this year.

[headspace-hotel]

Problems like climate change, where solving them requires millions of people to collectively work at hundreds of different solutions at once, are black holes for internal peacefulness because they give you a type of frustration where you alternately become bitter towards yourself or everyone around you. "If only I could work harder to fix the problem!" makes you exhausted, so you must become angry at others: "If only they cared about the problem!"

People who are already working on fixing climate change need to convince more people to work on it. And a popular thing is to share writings that describe how doomed we all are if climate change is not fixed, how terrible everything will be because of climate change, and how quickly all the treasures of our world are being lost.

There is a particular understanding of human behavior that is being accepted here without thinking about it hard enough. Popular news media shows headlines with terrible prophecies, written that way in hopes of getting the attention of otherwise disinterested people, who will then be "motivated" to fix climate change.

The trouble is that fear is no good for motivating thoughtful, patient, steady commitment to solving a problem. Fear is made to cause an organism to avoid things that might harm it. It creates a brief and explosive pulse of action where the organism's energy pours out as it instinctively, thoughtlessly reacts to escape the danger as fast as possible.

It's silly to blame people for avoiding thinking about climate change. The point of an organism responding to stressors is to avoid them. Oftentimes, the only tool people are presented with is personal choices about what products to buy, which inevitably is horribly frustrating and stressful, since a person will frequently be coerced by their situation into buying a certain product, and even if they don't they see others doing it all the time.

Relentless exposure to imminent threats that cannot be escaped causes Trauma, which severely impacts a person's ability to be resilient to stressors.

I think there is definitely a type of trauma associated with being constantly aware of the destruction of the environment and feeling helpless to do anything about it, especially since we as humans have a deep need for contact with other living things and aspects of the natural world, such as trees, water, flowers, and animals—a need that is often totally denied and treated as merely a Want or a hobby meant only for certain people who enjoy particular activities, like Hiking or Gardening.

We need to expand our minds on how this disconnection can hurt a human being. Imagine if a child's need to be loved by their caregivers, a person's need to be loved by their friends and family, was treated as a desire for indulgence or luxury, or a certain use of free time!

Yes, yes, one person has a condition that makes it hard to walk up hills, another doesn't like the bright sunshine, another is allergic to the grass or fungal components of the outdoor world, but WE ARE PART OF THE FAMILY OF ALL LIFE ON EARTH and WE EXIST IN SYMBIOSIS WITH THE ENVIRONMENT WHICH TAKES CARE OF US. Who showed you what beauty was, who taught you to feel peace and relief inside you in the form of a caressing breeze and rustle of leaves, who gave you awe and wonder at seeing the stars or the mountains? Where does every delicious food come from but the soil teeming with creatures? Isn't the most perfectly sweet berry grown from a plant, nurtured by the soil and pollinated by the bugs? Don't you feel delight at seeing a springy carpet of moss, a little mushroom, or a tiny bird? Think of all that the trees give us. Whose breath do you breathe? Whose body frames your home?

The writings of Indigenous writers such as the book by Mary Siisip Genuisz I am reading right now show me that the other life forms are our family. They take care of us and provide for us, and they would miss us if our species disappeared. Isn't that a powerful, healing fact? I think everybody is so enthusiastic about the book Braiding Sweetgrass because it is a worldview that those of us coming from the dominant colonizer culture are straight up ravenous, starving to death for.

Maybe, I think to myself, humans can experience a kind of trauma from being deprived a relationship with their Earth, just as they would experience trauma from being deprived relationships with other humans.

I really believe that it hurts us to be surrounded by concrete instead of soil, to see a majestic tree cut down on a whim without any justice possible, to see wild animals mostly in the form of mangled corpses on the roadside, to have poison sprayed everywhere to kill the insects that life depends on, to hear traffic and lawn mowers and weed whackers instead of birds and flowing water.

We KNOW that this is physically bad for our health, the stifling, polluted, and stressful environments of a civilization that doesn't know the ways of the plants, but I think it's a kind of moral injury too, right? To see a beautiful field turned into a housing development of ugly, big, expensive houses—no thought given to the butterflies and sparrows and quail of the field? To see a big old tree cut down, a pond full of frogs obliterated and turned into a drainage ditch beside a gas station? They aren't just things, they are lives, and while expansion and profit and progress are "necessary," a nice old field of wildflowers or a pond full of frogs are a different kind of necessary. I remember feeling this as a child without words for it—the sheer cruelty of a world that is totally without reverence for the other creatures.

"They own the property, they can cut down the tree" "They bought the land, they can do what they want with it" <but it can also be wrong, and many people know this on some level, even though our culture doesn't provide us with the framework.

Fear could never give people the motivation to fix climate change. Constant fear of what will happen in the future forces a person to protect themselves from the relentless stress by shutting it out entirely or developing apathy.

A fear based argument for fixing climate change either causes a worldview of nature with no bond of kinship at all, based on the physical and practical dependence on Nature as a "resource," or forces people to experience their kinship with Nature only through grief.

Fear tells us that we want to live—it does not tell us WHY to live. If a person tries to live on fear alone, they will eventually find the desire to live burdensome and painful in itself. I see this emerging on a society wide scale in the USA, feeding on influences from the Christian evangelicalism that sees the Earth as something already sullied and worthless, to be thrown away like a dirty tissue, and on the looming monolith of nuclear winter that gave our parents recurring nightmares as children.

If you go to r/collapse on Reddit (don't do that) you will see a whole community of people who cope with the threat of climate change by fantasizing about it, imagining it as a collective punishment for all humanity and a cathartic release from the present painful situation.

We cannot learn to live without seeing the reason for living. We cannot save the Earth without loving it. We cannot heal nature without caring for it. In order to collectively take action against climate change, we must be moved by something other than fear—and that something is love. Not just love of the outdoors as an activity, but love of the Earth as something that loves us.

The dominant Western culture cannot borrow Indigenous land stewardship techniques as though they are just one climate resilience strategy, without being also willing to change its dreadfully impoverished way of viewing human relationships with Nature.

What right have we to think, "Huh, maybe those guys were on to something with the multi-level polyculture systems and controlled burns" while still thinking humans are nothing but a disease on the Earth, and that Earth would be happy to be rid of us? The sustainable ways of using the land practiced traditionally by cultures who have lived in relationship with their ecosystems for many generations work because humans can exist in mutualistic symbiosis with the life forms around them. We care for them. They care for us.

I know for a fact that plants seek relationships with us, and I was taught by them to see how interconnected everything really is, and how I was made to be a caretaker of my ecosystem. I was, a few years ago, just as I describe above. Too scared and pessimistic about the future of nature to bother loving it, and because of this, I could not realize my niche in the ecosystem. It felt for many years like I could do nothing—i believed in climate change, but I felt hopeless, so I put it out of my mind. But when I began to cultivate a love and reverence for the sad, scraggly, beaten-down fragments of Nature around me, everything changed. So much became possible.

I am still learning and exploring, trying to open my mind to ideas totally different than the ones I knew growing up, paying close attention to every plant and learning its ways. And it stuns me to think—some people write about climate change without this process.

The author of the book "The Uninhabitable Earth" (a scary book about how doomed the Earth is because of climate change) says in the beginning of the book that he is not very much of a nature lover. You fool, love is our most powerful evolutionary adaptation!

[azrakaban]

Mattheo Riddle Headcanons

Just a few little headcanons I have about my husband, loml, Mattheo Thomas Riddle <3 Sidenote: if you're confused, Tom Riddle is fancasted as the son of Voldemort rather than as voldemort himself, because he is too fit to be a noseless vampire xx

...

- his favourite colour is gray. The reason behind this is he used to know this really sweet smoke coloured cat when he was little and he used to play with her, so isnce then he finds the colour relaxing

- him and Theodore Nott have been friends since they were really young. Like 3 or something.

- when he was younger, he found a copy of peter pan in a bin somewhere, picked it up and read it. He knew his father would kill him if he found out he was keeping a muggle book, so he hid it and it became his favourite book after reading

- when he was really young, Bellatrix (his mother) taught him and Tom occlumency, to be able to hide secrets from their father. She thought it was important for them to have some kind of privacy.

- he would be an arctic monkeys fan (yes I am aware they were not formed at the time he was at Hogwarts, but if he was gen z he'd love them.)

- he's a cat person, due to being bitten by a dog when he was little (no he does not have rabies and no he is not a furry) but he has a soft spot for bernese mountain dogs because Theo Nott has one)

- when I say he has only got eyes for you, I mean it. This man would rather gauge his eyes out than look at any other girl, he is so incredibly loyal.

- He believed Rodolphus Lestrange was his father up until he saw Rodolphus yell at Bellatrix when he was 11 about him not being his son. It broke him, as up until then he had been Mattheo Lestrange. From then on, he went by Mattheo Riddle.

- love language is physical touch, always with an arm around your waist, fiddling with your hair, kissing your cheek, forehead, temple, nose, lips, anywhere he can reach.

- possessive, but not in a controlling way. He has a fear of abandonment, so he likes to know that you're still his. Seeing other guys/girls look at you worries him a little, but he can't blame them because you are literally gorgeous. (and tbh, I don't think he's ever gonna have a problem with you looking at someone else, because he's perfection.)

- would give up anything for you, and gave up smoking immediately after starting to like you.

- absolutely in love with you. I cannot stress this enough, but this man is head over heels, for you, and only you.

- has a soft spot for you. When you first met/saw him, you thought he seemed emotionally unavailable (which he was, besides joking with friends tbh) but that changed for you, he was kind, and even vunerable when he asked you out, although still prefers to keep his emotions to himself.

- just a lil thing, but th Riddle family is RICH RICH so he is always buying you gifts even if you insist he shouldn't spend so much on you.

- when I say this guy would get a dog for you, I must make you understand how HUGE this is. He HATES dogs, so this is a huge thing for him. PLEASE APPRECIATE IT!!!

- would get into fights all the time (check out previous one shot No More Fights pleeeease x) over you, for you, and with you. If you got into a fight he'd be at the sidelines cheering you on like the supportive love he is >>>>

- nicknames. Oh my god, he has so many for you, muggle references are a speciality of his for some reason. Boojiboo, Darling, Angel, Princess, baby, and his person favourite: LOVE. Love this, love that, he uses it more than your actual name.

- he has reading glasses. he absolutely hates them, but you think they make him look cute and kinda smart (which he does, picture it, trust me)

- he reads a lot. Back at his house his room is next to their library so he can have easier access to it.

- he loves astrology. He knows all the constellations, the planets, and takes you on stargazing dates

- he smells like pinewood and fire. Just a really relaxing, wintery scent

- He HATES Summer. absolutely loves winter and autumn, but summer is just horrible to him. he hates the heat and bugs mostly, but he also hates the holidays because he's away from you and his friends

- went to a lot of pureblood balls/dances when he was young and is a very good dancer.

- doesn't have the closest relationship with Tom, who is two years older than him (same year as the Weasley twins), but he can go to Tom if he needs help with anything, whether it be homework to planned Arson :)

- he has a gorgeous morning voice. all gravely but still sounds beautiful

- he loves pretending to be asleep infront of you, and deliberately pretends to say your name in his sleep to see you smile when he "wakes up" and you tell him

- he's an early bird other than when he's really tired. If you wake up before him, you're not getting out of bed for hours, he's keeping you right there with him, hugging you tightly to him to prevent your escape. (not that you'd want to)

- if he sees you're nervous, he gives you his hand to fiddle with and you play with his fingers. if it doesn't help, he takes your hands in his and squeezes them gently.

- makes really good pancakes and waffles. He had them first at Theodore's house, and Theo's mum taught him how to make them.

- he's very good with kids, surprisingly. You once managed to snap a photo of him wearing a plastic tiara and now use it as leverage in arguments ;)

- he has big brother energy, and a lot of it. After the battle of Hogwarts, when Delphini was very little, he helped raise her to the best he could with help from Tom, the other Slytherins and Narcissa Malfoy. If you were comfortable with it, Delphini would be really close with you and see you as a big sister/brother/sibling <3 you guys would look after her and raise her to not carry out the events written in the cursed child.

- continuing with big brother stuff, he helps out the first years with homework and stuff when they need it.

- if people aren't listening when he's talking, he doesn't yell, just stops talking

- he's not agressive while drunk, like ever. Infact, total opposite. It. Is. Hilarious. He loosens up entirely. Trying to get you to ballroom dance with him, tripping over his feet. He'll go full on Shakira until you have to drag him out of the room. One time you gave him a hug while drunk but he didn't recognise you so he said "sorry, I have a girlfriend/boyfriend/partner" 😭 then realised it was you and pulled you back into the hug.

- he loves scary movies, naturally, but he's actually a sucker for a good rom com if it's actually good. I'm not talking boring predictable ones, genuinely good ones.

- if he was gen Z, he would be a huge marvel fan. don't try to convince me otherwise. not collecting merch and stuff, but seeing every movie within the week it comes out.

- before you two started dating he kept listening to Conan Gray (yes I'm a huge Conan fan so may be a little biased and I know conan was not singing then but anywayyyyy) his favourite song was Heather, because he didn't know if you reciprocated his feelings, but when you got together, he gave you his sweater on the third of December. I'm so proud of him.

- he's more of a cooker than a baker to be honest, he'd bake with you, but other than that he'd steer clear of sweet treats.

- he's fluent in French, Spanish and Italian as well as English. He wanted to learn Latin as well when he was younger, but didn't have time so is learning it now.

- he wears converse a lot. don't even argue with me please, I am right. (you can quote me on that to your family if needed guys)

- he loves photography and taking long walks in nature to get photos. If you were comfortable with it, he'd use you as his muse, styling you into his photos and capturing your beauty perfectly.

- DIMPLES

- He can play guitar. Simping.

- loves spicy food, literally obsessed with it.

- his biggest fear is getting the dark mark. he doesn't want anything to do with his father, and only took the name Riddle so as not to be an insult to rodolphus.

- anytime you say "I'm proud of you" he silently pulls you into a hug. he hasn't heard those words enough, so the fact that you have said it just completes him.

- drops anything for you if you need him.

- man child. he needs your attention at least five times a day.

- big spoon. You will never ever be big spoon, it is his role, he has assigned it to himself and is very protective of it.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Off the Page 1

Warnings: non/dubcon and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: skinny!Steve

Part of the Bookstore AU

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

Maria brings you your travel cup as you acknowledge her with a quiet thanks under your breath. You try not to turn your attention from the person on the other side of the table. You keep your rehearsed smile in place, nodding as you open the cover of their book and write their name inside before leaving a message and your signature below. They ramble on but you don't mind so much, their passion is entirely flattering.

You still can't believe this is your life. You're a writer. Not that freelancer knocking out commissions for pennies, by an author. It's your second novel and by your publisher's declaration, a hit. You suppose you wouldn't be on a book tour if it wasn't.

You pause to have a sip of coffee. You've been here all morning. That there were people lined up before opening assured you of the long day but it just doesn't seem to stop. At the end, you're set to do a reading and giveaway a collector's edition of the book. Your longing for your hotel room only grows deeper as your hand cramps and your eyes sting.

The next reader steps up, his book well-worn and clutched in his slender hands. He's thin and short, with a swoop of blonde hair over his forehead.

"H-hi," he sputters as he goes to set his book on the table but it hits the edge and falls to the floor, "oh, s-sorry, I'm sorry."

He's almost frantic as he bends to retrieve it and places it in front of you. You smile at him as one of the store's branded bags dangles from his elbow. He has to buy a book to get a signature. You pull his well-read copy towards you, the cover wrinkled and the spine cracked.

"You know, I could sign both..." you offer, "since you spent the extra money."

"Oh, oh, n-no, that's... that's okay. Um, thanks. Just that one." He smooths his hair with a shaky hand, "sorry, I've been awake since two in the morning. Too much caffeine."

"Tell me about it," you kid as you hold his book open, "I can tell you really liked the book."

"Ye-yeah, yeah, so much," he seems ready to burst as his blue eyes light up, "you know, I really love Emeris. He... I don't want to be lame but... he's like me. You know?"

"Oh, yeah," you agree kindly, "he's one of my favourites."

"Most writers -- I read a lot -- they always have the typical hero. Big and brawny, but you mad Emeris strong in other ways."

"I tried," you reply. "Anything in particular you want me to put here?"

"I... I can't think of anything," his eyes go wide, "I've been looking forward to this forever and I didn't think."

"That's okay," you assure him and uncap your pen, 'Keep on the path, my brave Emeris,' you weave onto the page. You sign your name and slide the novel across to him.

He takes it and opens it, reading as his nervousness breaks into a smile. He peeks up at you, closing the book to bring against his chest.

"Thank you!" He beams.

"No problem, you sticking around for the Q&A?"

"Oh yeah, my friend wants to go get a snack but we'll be back," he proclaims. "Thanks so so much."

"Yeah, no worries," you subtly look to the line.

"Oh, uh, I won't keep you any longer," he waves his hand apologetically, "can't wait for your reading."

"See ya," you return and turn to the next person, a girl in deep red plaid, a brand new copy plopped down before you.

You just have another hour until you get to sit in front of all these stranges and try not to get tongue-tied. It should be easy by now but those butterflies in your stomach still flutter. More coffee, next book.

📖

The Q&A goes about as well as any other. It was good fun but entirely exhausting. You're ready to just go as the winter sky darkens fast outside the bookstore windows. Maria stops you to talk about your train ride tomorrow and the next venue. You beg her to let you go back to the hotel.

"I told you it was going to be a lot," she chuckles.

"You did. And just like you said, I'm tired, so please, I have a tub with jets waiting for me."

"Just make sure you don't stay up all night writing your next bestseller," she winks.

"You're telling me to get sleep?"

"I'm a great sleeper, I just happen to sleep best while commuting," she shrugs, "fine, go. I'm just going to talk to the owner quick."

"Alright," you utter through a yawn and cover your mouth, "I'll see you tomorrow."

You leave the bookstore and the chill air blows into your open coat. You shiver and clutch the strap of your bag. The bright sign of a Korean shop catches your eye. You're so tired of the bland hotel room service, you can spare ten minutes and a couple bucks.

You cross the street and enter the shop. The lights are low and the din is soft. You approach the counter, perusing the menu laminated on top and order some hoison noodles.

You hear muffled chatter from the corner and sway, trying to ignore it. After paying, you move over to wait for your take-out. As you do, you sense someone watching you. You peer over and see an eerily familiar set of blue eyes. It takes you a moment to recall the skinny man from the signing.

He's with another sat across from him. A bigger man with dark hair and wide shoulders. He shakes his head and catches the blond's hand before he can wave at you. He hisses something at him and you quickly look away.

You're still getting used to that. It doesn't happen too often but it's still awkward. You face the counter and take out your phone, a way to make yourself look busy.

You try not to hear but it's so quiet in the place, "Steve, quit, she doesn't wanna talk to you."

"I know. I just wanted to say hi," the hiss blows back.

Your order number is called and you grab it with a thanks, eager to flee before the situation can devolve. As you go to the door, you hear a groan under the jingle of the bell above you.

"Great, Buck, you always got be a buzz kill..."

You don't look back as you walk away from the shop, searching out a taxi as the smell of the noodles torture your empty stomach. You might just fall asleep before you can enjoy your prize.

[penny-anna]

i bought a flat this week.

was off work sick last thursday/friday with what turned out to be the beginnings of a bad cold but at the time i was just like 'oh no why am i so tired is this the return of the Mystery Fatigue'

let's backtrack for a second!! back when i had the offer accepted on my flat my solicitor suggested october 6th as a move in date and i was like sure that works (this was around the beginning of september). then i didn't hear anything from them for many days and then i started getting major dry eye problems that became all consuming so i didn't get around to chasing them.

anyway!! tuesday last week i get an email from my solicitor like 'hi are you still able to complete friday' and i did not have the headspace to deal with it so i didn't reply

Wednesday my solicitor calls like 'hi. we need to know if you want to complete friday'. i'm like 'actually i'm really not feeling well this week, could we postpone'. she calls back a few minutes later like 'they cannot postone'. at this point i'm still thinking that if i get a decent night's sleep i'll feel better so i tell her i'll deal with it in the morning.

Thursday i feel spectacularly worse. have to get up to go to an appointment with my optometrist. almost start crying in their office bcos i'm just so exhausted. (he seemed weirdly unfazed by this?? looking back i wonder if he thought my eyes were hurting or something and didn't realise that i was holding back tears gfhglj) call out sick from work.

plan is to take a nap and then look at the documents my solicitor sent over but she calls me again like 'hi. sorry to bother you i know you're sick but can we complete today' so i'm like ah shit ig we're doing this now. please walk me through exactly what you need me to do here. 'we just need you to send us the money'. yeah i can do that. i've never made a payment this big before tho.

(i'm buying w money inherited from my mother so even for a flat purchase it's an unusually large amount of money)

'oh yeah you won't be able to that online. *pause* are you well enough to go to the bank?' i am tired enough that going to the bank will suck but not so sick i cannot go to the bank.

i had gone fully back to bed. spurred on by sudden wave of adrenaline, get out of bed and dressed and get the bus into town to the bank.

my bank closes at 3pm weekdays and by the time i get that it's about 1:45. explain the situation. turns out that to make a payment this big you need a sit-down meeting with a member of staff and they are booked solid till 3. 'can you come back tomorrow at 9:30 when we open' *dying inside* yes. i can come back tomorrow at 9:30.

go home. remember that i'd told my manager that i'd call her at 9 to let her know if i'm going to be working (i will defo not be working & she knows this) which will be tricky if i have to leave at 9 to go to the bank. have a pretty interminable IM conversation via microsoft teams about this wherein i suggest i message her first thing and call a bit later and she isn't going for it. eventually agree to call at 9 just so i can end the conversation and go to sleep.

Friday morning end up calling my manager from the bus. get to bank. whole thing takes a full 30 minutes so yeah i can see why they couldn't fit me in thursday afternoon ghfdljkfhdj. i'm so so tired. they have to go over a whole fraud prevention statement with you. 'you should be aware that scammers can pretend to be your solicitor'. me, exhausted: okay what if just this one time. a scammer is pretending to be my solicitor.

make the payment. go home to sleep finally.

later in the afternoon get another call from the solicitor. 'hi we have the keys you can come get them whenever'. oh yeah i'd been so caught up in trying to get them the money i'd kinda forgotten about. actually getting the flat.

(side note at no point was i planning to move in on 'moving day', an advantage of being a first time buyer is that i don't have to & i want to redecorate the place which is easier while it's empty)

initially say i'll come in next week but then realise that ideally next week i'll be back at work (i am not but anyway) so i might as well go now. it's pushing 4pm so will need to head out ASAP.

eyes are very dry and itchy from sleeping all day but fortunately i just (on a recommendation from my optometrist) bought a thing called a facial sauna which is a very weird contraption but does work extremely quickly.

pack my eye drops and also a peanut butter sandwich to eat in my new flat (why not) and go get the keys.

arrive at the flat. on inspection realise that the envelope i've been given seems to contain the most random assortment of loose keys. eventually identify an actual set of keys.

put my key in the lock of the flat door. abruptly hear a cat meowing, somewhere very close by.

previous owner had cats (plural) (i know this bcos i saw them when i was viewing the place). have a sudden moment of panic that i've somehow wildly misunderstood the whole situation and that she and her cats are still in residence.

look down. there is a very large, very fluffy white cat standing next to me, looking up at me as if expecting to be let in.

'you can't come in. this is my house.'

make my first mistake: think that if i open the door i will be able to prevent the cat from entering.

cat goes straight on into my flat.

i'm now pursuing the cat from room to room saying 'hey! hey you can't be in here! this is my house!'. the cat doesn't give a shit for obvious reasons (it is a cat)

i might have considered just shooing the cat outside and shutting the door but have arrived at an IMO not unreasonable concern. cat seemed very determined to enter this flat in particular and is now roaming around as if looking for something. previous owner had multiple cats and moved out AFAIK today. i have heard stories about people accidentally leaving cats behind when they move.

at this point it's 4:55 on a Friday. call my solicitor and explain the situation. ask if she could pass on a message to the seller's solicitor. unfortunately they have already closed for the week so it will have to wait till Monday but she will do her best.

decide the next course of action is to see if the cat has any ID. the cat is wearing a harness & collar so might have a tag with an address. make my second mistake: pick the cat up.

the cat does not have any ID on the harness. the cat does NOT like being picked up. cat gets very squirmy and then begins scratching me. cat manages to break my skin through a hoodie.

i put the cat down. the cat hisses at me. this is very rude considering that it is in my house.

head across the landing to see if the people opposite are missing a cat or, failing that, know their neighbours well enough to recognise the cat. there's no answer.

however!! i hear a voice down in the stairwell that sounds like it could be someone calling out a cat's name. 'hi!! is someone down there looking for a cat?' no answer.

look down the stairwell. on the ground floor there is a very large fluffy brown cat wearing a harness. !!!!! that is my cat's friend!

retrieve the cat from my flat (fortunately it just follows me out) and head downstairs. am met partway up by the cat's owner.

'oh thank god is this your cat'. it is her cat. apparently she had opened her front door to let them out into the garden and it had wandered off. 'i just moved in today it came into my flat'.

she is very apologetic. cat is unrepetent.

go back inside. call my solicitor's office. 'hi was it you i spoke to just now about the cat' (I told 2 people about the cat) 'no i just answered the phone because it was ringing. what cat.' 'can you tell *solicitor's name* that i have found the cat's owner. she will know what you mean'.

problem solved!! time to eat my peanut butter sandwich. :)

[damnfandomproblems]

https://www.tumblr.com/damnfandomproblems/768147269164892160/fandom-problem-6500-im-trans-its-fine-if-i?source=share

Ways to fight for Trans Rights:

❌ Reporting a hate crime. Holding actual transphobic people responsible. Warning others of potentially violent people in their area.

✅ Guilting an ACTUAL trans person from playing a video game by an author who already made bank on the series.

Posting as a response to a previous problem.

Since this generated several responses, I'm going to include a compilation below.

Anon:

I hope y'all know not everyone is aware of all... that. Some buy the game cause they like the universe but dont follow all that is happening on social media. Some of them are not british/english speaking prople and just... don't know. You can either try to, politely, make them aware of what is happening, but if they already purchased it, no need to be agressive. I do not condone jkr, i do not play/entertain anything related to her anymore; but i still have my scarf or books or movies. Does that make me a bad person? Lets take a seat back from HP I am able to understand what is problematic in media/art; i enjoy HOTD and GOT, am i a bad person because i like the serie despite how problematic it is? No. If you refuse to talk to people buying anything HP related, then block them. Don't call someone a bad person without knowing them. Your opinion means nothing.

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Anon:

1. You can enjoy a piece of media without agreeing with the author/artist/developer etc. 2. Way to make Trans people seem like a hive mind. "You can't play this game, even if your trans. Virtue signaler." How about let people play the media they decide to play and decide for themselves it's controversial or not. Like, do you expect people to just follow your cause blindly? 3. THERE IS A TRANS CHARACTER IN THE GAME.

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Anon:

I get this may have been submitted prior to the Oct 7th attacks, and the dramatic rise in antisemitic attacks everywhere, so I won't go off like I wanted to. But to just get to my point, as a Jew, we kinda have bigger problems right now. I'm barely concerned with HP fans.

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Anon:

Here we go with the reading comprehension again. At least one person is the comments is going on about "buying" the game when OP never specified buying it. They just said "playing" the game. Huge difference. One monetarily supports the creators and such, the other doesn't.

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Anon:

This is WILD. The op makes a dozen assumptions, none of which may even be true. For starters the "you are not immune to propaganda" thing might be true in a sense, however OP is using it to imply people are all but guaranteed to fall for propaganda in media. And we all know that isn't true. A person who reads Hitler's shitty book (Mein Kampf) is not going to close it being a step closer to a Nazi sympathizer if they have basic information dissemination skills. A person who goes looking on Kiwifarms for information is not going to be radicalized if they have proper information dissemination skills. So OP is really telling on themselves here and saying the quiet part out loud: they have little or no ability to engage with questionable media without fearing they'll get affected by it in a negative way. They can't go plumbing like that. And they're saying others can't either, which just shows bad perspective. Their quote says the person was talking about playing a game. Playing it. The implications that come with "playing" a game are as follows: the person played it. That's it. If OP can't exercise one brain cell to understand that while yes, people have bought the game, playing it could easily mean they got it from a library or downloaded it illegally via torrent, that's on them. "You're a bad person" is beyond comedic given the above. Dare I say even if someone does buy the game, which I'm wholeheartedly against, saying someone is a "bad person" is still insane. Anyways, OP is basing practically their entire complaint on the premise of someone buying a game when that wasn't even what the quote says. Boo. Do not pass go.

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Anon:

Nooo, we're not bringing Scottish independence into your crusade against people who play a video game, leave my family out of this you keyboard warrior weirdo.

[luminouslywriting]

Hey how are you doing? Hope the recovery is going well! Do you have any headcanons about maybe one of the guys falling for a girl in the village near Thorpe Abbott and feeling torn about asking her to come to America with him after the war?

Nonny, I am doing so good!! I finally am clear of infection and feel so good! Now I just have to conquer my vision problems haha. Please let me know how you’re doing too :)

I have THOUGHTS on this particular topic! For your pleasure and enjoyment, more under the cut, cut for length, some light spice sprinkled in:

-Listen, I think Robert Rosenthal is EXACTLY the type of man who has the time, energy, and focus to accidentally land himself a girlfriend while on base at Thorpe Abbotts.

-All unintentional, of course.

-But considering how long he's there and how many missions he ends up completing, it's not that crazy.

-We'll set this right before the holidays at Thorpe Abbotts, at least the first go around. This is where he meets his S/O—she's a seamstress who fixes the men's uniforms and he has a few things he needs fixing.

-Naturally, the two of you get to talking and his charisma paired with respect and genuine humor lands himself in the clear in your book

-So he keeps coming back and the two of you end up going on Sunday afternoon walks

-It's around this time that he asks you to be his girlfriend and go steady with him

-So the dates begin; picnics here or there, a dance or two at a party that he convinces you to attend, family dinners at your home, conversations about music and movies and books, exchanging of gifts between the two of you, etc.

-Now he is the type of man to go into things intentionally and with a plan—so keep in mind that he's focusing as much on the future as he is on the present with you.

-Which also means that despite the moonlit rendezvous in his jeep or in many a bar in the village, he's also trying to be long-term. He doesn't do things in half measures.

-This is all where his dilemma begins. Because he can see a future with you so clearly and he wants you to be happy and he wants his life to have you in it for the rest of his life.

-But asking you to leave your home and come with him to america? That's a big step in a relationship and not an easy one to make. That's life-changing and he's fully aware of that.

-So he's not going to ask you until the war is over

-That being said, he's still finding ways to have fun and make the relationship new and exciting in some ways

-He buys you flowers and you buy him records, you sew his clothes and he buys you a new dress—he's very much trying to equate and balance out the things that you do for him

-Rosie appreciates you being a support system for him. He can't always be at the Flak House, but a good cuddle session, pillow talk, and glowing session of sex oughta do the trick for him when he's getting anxious or upset about things

-Shower sex?? Yes, most definitely

-Rain sex outside?? Also yes

-He's very romantic in all of his gestures and he waits a while before telling you that he loves you—and it's right before he goes down in Russia

-Naturally, you're his first stop and call and when he gets back, it's a tearful reunion and realization that neither of you can live without one another

-So as the war begins to wrap up, Rosie feels more and more guilt about asking you to come with him and be the future Mrs. Rosenthal.

-Funnily enough, it's Gale Cleven that convinces him otherwise—with his return to base and immediate clocking of your relationship and how in love Rosie is, he's encouraging him not to waste any time on things

-So Rosie plucks up the courage to approach you about the entire thing

-And he just simply asks—he knows that you'll want time to figure it out and you might need some space. He's not going to argue or come up with any reasons why you SHOULD go with him.

-But he does add that he wants to marry you, so there is that

-Naturally, you say yes and the relief in his heart has only been matched by when the war actually ended

-So naturally, you drive to a chapel and get hitched before you even leave for the states

-Actual brother of Rosie: You know, when you said you were going to Europe, I was thinking you could bring me back a Luger, not a sister-in-law, but this works too.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

pt IX good omens on livestream, i'm not ok: S1E4

You did it, Good Omens fandom, my dear maggots. You broke me in every way. Now I'm here, and where I once spent my day peacefully being sad about normal things, I'm now sad about a random fact about nightingales I learned on a British ornithology site and this is just... the brainrot. It's real. Raise brainrot awareness. Prevention is better than the nonexistent cure.

Well, I've procrastinated this post by like 48 hours by drawing fanart and being mopey over Crowley and generally being asleep because I'm still on antibiotics and ill. So let us not procrastinate further. First, episode 4. Tally, hoes!

In preparation for the stream, I gathered two emotional support oranges, only one of which was gaseous, and an apple. This was so that rather than waste an orange on being gay for Crowley I'd use the apple for that, symbolic of his temptation in the Garden of Eden etc. I didn't know how badly this plan would go.

On Discord, our collective loins girded, I noticed with no small suspicion that everyone was muttering about the bookshop and whether I'd be okay. When I demanded frantically what happened to the bookshop (I THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS IN S2) everyone shut up and told me the bookshop was in tiptop shape and it was all tickety-boo and nothing would happen at all in episode 5.

Spoiler alert it is not all tickety-boo.

We start with Aziraphale going for a jog to keep uh fit for exercising with Crowley, and he is interrupted by Gabriel, who is not Jimbriel, and is not naked, that is, we cannot see his arse yet, but we can see that he is an arse.

We then see not-Newt the deliveryman with his wife Maude and they are the only straight couple that the people on the chat care about. Calling him not-Newt is going to pose problems for me.

Crowley is being a smart baby, and researching astronomy. Poor Crowley. I love Crowley. Do you understand? I LOVE CROWLEY.

There is a lot of talk of spoons and forks and such innuendos. I make a joke about scissors being missing. The chat does not notice. I am disappointed in the gays.

I am so engrossed in the way Death says "deeAaaAAthHHhh" that I fail to notice Not-Newt get killed delivering a message to Death. This is going to pose problems for me.

I forgot about the apocalypse plotline till the horsepeople arrive. This is understandable. I care not for this 'world' ending, my new world is Crowley. I love Crowley.

Duck aliens fucking descend. This is not a joke. There are duck aliens, and they are supportive of trans people. Newt does not count their nipples.

The Shad guy doesn't care Newt found aliens. He is upset that Newt didn't find witches. If Shad was mowing his lawn and found gold, he would toss it aside because he is focused on mowing. I can respect that. People make jokes about Newt eventually finding a witch.

It is suddenly a Christopher Nolan movie. Someone corrects me and says it's more like Jerry Bruckheimer. I do not know what that is.

Someone says Crowley destroys the Bentley but for whatever reason, like a lot of people before, makes it a black box that you have to click to read. I don't mind that, I like clicking.

Aziraphale bought out a theatre for Crowley, like a Kdrama where the rich CEO buys out an entire theatre for his working class girl.

Adam goes through what I went through with OCD. It is not fun.

It is now a horror movie. Adam floats in the air. That was not a symptom I had with OCD.

Crowley asks Aziraphale to run away with him to the stars. Aziraphale says no. Crowley is upset and my baby Azi looks so sad and confused about everything he believes in. Great. I'm totally fine, I think as I start stuffing my emotional support orange into my mouth.

It is now a Home Alone movie. Crowley in gloves is sexy. Mmmmmmm yes. Crowley does great advertising for plant spray bottles as he murders and threatens demons.

I point out that the GO book says Crowley can do "weird things with his tongue" as I learned from the GO scent guide company page. It was after all the most relevant take-away from that page.

Disco Tony arrives. This is not a safe space.

AZIRAPHALE KEEPS TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING AND IS FAILED BY HEAVEN LEAVE MY BABY AZI ALONE WTF GO AWAY. THE ANGELS WALL SLAM HIM TOO. THAT'S CROWLEY'S THING YOU BASTARDS.

Newt and Anathema are cute. I DON'T NOTICE BECAUSE IM SO UPSET HE'S CHEATING ON MAUDE AND WONDERING WHY THE CHAT IS OKAY WITH IT BECAUSE I AM A FOOL WHO CONTINUES TO MIX UP NEWT WITH NOT-NEWT AND THEN THE CHAT TELLS ME NOT-NEWT DIED AND I'M CONFUSED.

Newt and Anathema are having sex. As an aspec person, I am very alarmed at the visuals.

Azi is failed by heaven and the metatron. Shocker. Fucking get away from Azi. Azi is miserable and looks like he wants to cry.

AZI IS EXORCISED AND THE FUCKING FLAME CATCHES IN THE BOOKSHOP AND THE EPISODE ENDS.

TAKE MY PAIN MOTHERFUCKERS. I WILL POST THIS AND THEN WRITE THE EP5 PART.

[hocuspocusbabyy]

Two platforms:

“You meet a mysterious woman on the train.”

February 1981

I have a small problem...which I suspect this gathering might find interesting. You are one for the romantics are you not?

Last Thursday I was returning from a book
auction in Hay-on-Wye, when a delay on the Manchester-Edinburgh line, Forced me to make a rapid adjustment to my itinerary,
leaving me just three minutes to change platform and train at Crewe.

Making a dash up from third to sixth just as the rails man stepped out to wave his little flag, I slide between the doors and into the nearest seat. A table over looking the back exit, the cabin was relatively empty minus the woman I had subsequently imposed upon. Usually I’d have preferred to sit alone, though I was wary that my moving now might offended the young woman. I say young—- but rather it was in the sense of beauty, she was striking. Red hair, and a perfectly sloped nose which was unfortunately buried within a book and obstructing my view.

Shaking my head I lent forward to remove my coat, brushing off the dirt of the city before flatting it across my lap, and reaching into my case for a book of my own.

“Ticket from Crewe! Tickets from Crewe!” The conductor called out making their wary way down the bumping train. I looked up with a polite smile and flashed my ticked, knowing what was about to come.

“You're on the wrong train, madam.” He stated no remorse or curiosity as to why I was in fact on the the incorrect train. “This is for Glasgow.” He continued he a scratch of his beard, plucking the ticket from my hand to observe it closer. “The Edinburgh train... It's delayed. You should have waited on platform 3.”

This caught the attention of the other woman it seemed, who’s eyes flickered up briefly, her forefinger docking her page as if not to look nosey but rather intently gazing up the page, she had surly read over a multitude of times already.

“Yes I am well aware.” I sighed shifting in my seat as if to appear taller in comparison to the condescending man looking down at me. “However I found, if i got your train as far
as Edinburgh I ought to be in time to catch
the Edinburgh-Glasgow.” My explanation obviously startling the man as his mouth opened and closed in a similar way to a fish. “The price of this ticket is also £12.40, so I think you’ll find you’ve gained a pound from my change in journey- buy yourself a nice pasty on me.” I stated snatching the ticket back and moving to place it back within my jacket.

The woman across rising the spine of her book as if it would hide her audible laughter at the altercation.

“Ah yes. That should work.” The conductor coughed before moving on up the train “Enjoy your journey.”

Sighing heavily I lent my head back against the seat, closing my eyes briefly to contemplate the day. A slight cough disturbing my peace once again, cracking open my eye slightly to see the woman across now looking directly at me.

“I could have done with you this morning, in Cardiff.” She smirked her red painted fingernails scratching delicately at the cover of ‘The City of Beautiful Nonsense.”

“Straight forward enough, surely?” I teased, shifting forward to view the woman properly. Her jawline was impeccable the kind you could take a protractor to and suddenly become mathematically obsessed with. The golden ratio gone wild. Michelangelo’s work in action. She was truly a dreamscape, light green eyes, high cheek bones and lips you… I could easily…

“The Shrewsbury train was cancelled.” She stated cutting off my trail of thought, a mischievous glint in her eye.

“Well in that case you could have…”

“A friend gave me a lift.” She dead panned smirking again at the frown that now rested upon my face. If she wanted to play games, then so would I.

“I see, and was it a pleasant journey?” I asked reaching to unbutton my shirt at the wrist and roll up my sleeves.

“Oh heavens no.” She laughed again, the kind of laugh that you’d chase for hours, doing everything in one’s power to hear it again. It was deep and airy similar to how I’d imagine angels would. “Natasha—- my friend, well she has a motorcycle and let’s just say my hair barely survived the journey.” She joked reaching back to flatten her hair self consciously.

“Your hair looks great.” I complimented with a grin as the exotic woman merely blushed.

“Well thank you.” She smiled gently, a slight accent peaking through— Russian maybe? Or Hungarian? Definitely European I’m sure.

The other woman bit her lips, a hand reaching out to shake mine.

“Wanda.” She introduced

“Y/N” I replied, throughly blindsided by the smooth warmth of her hand in mine. “So E. Temple Thurston? Great choice” I commented sucking my teeth lightly as we both draw back from our introduction. My hand falling to rest beneath the table as to avoid the temptation of reaching out for her again.

“Mm?” Wanda asked her brow cocked and blinking as though my presence suddenly startled her. The woman’s gaze lingering upon the exposed skin from my button up. “Oh yes” Wanda laughed platting both her palms over the book in question, “a personal favourite have you read him?”

“Oh I’ve read plenty” I grinned, her shaky reaction at being caught all the more endearing than creepy. ““Here you have a man, a woman, and a candle destined for the altar of St Joseph, all flung together in an empty church by the playful hand of circumstance and out of so strange a medley comes a fairy story …” I quoted, be it smugly though you couldn’t doubt it was impressive and when would there be a better than to show off such a niche skill than on a random train, to the woman of your dreams. Who you met by pure chance and circumstance and will probably never see again. So what if I show boat.

“Ah” she tutted scrunching her nose slightly, “so you have read it.” Her hand now working its way across the cover drawing unimportant patterns that I couldn’t help but wish were upon my skin instead.

“A few times” I laughed, my gaze fixed upon the talented hands that worked. Her pale skin contrasting perfectly with the light maroon of her shirt.

“And what did you gather from it?”

“An impoverished writer gives his last penny to a girl in a church so she can buy a candle.”

“It’s a love story.” Wanda whispered her gaze flicking up to meet mine.

“It’s fiction” I countered, causing the woman to frown slightly, one in which I’d fear if it weren’t for the grin that followed.

“So you’re saying, you wouldn’t give your last penny to buy your soul mate a simple candle?”

“You think they were soul mates?”

The redhead bit her lip, my question obviously igniting something within her, “how could they not be?”

“They barely knew one another, and he risked all he had. If you ask me it seems pretty reckless”

“Sometimes it pays to be reckless” she smiled quirking her brow at my gently, “they continue to cross paths. Sometimes by chance – or maybe fate – how could you ignore that?”

“I don’t ignore it, I just simply think it was down to chance and geography rather than fate— London really isn’t that big. Even want for that matter John creates situations for them to meet by seeking Jill out.”

“Yes, but there was never any guarantee Jill would show.”

“Of course she would- she wanted to see him too”

“Because of fate” Wanda grinned as if to have won.

“Because of attraction” I countered, causing the other woman to pout slightly. “You really believe that people end up together though mere chance?”

“Well we met, didn’t we?”

“My train was delayed”

“And I got a lift”

I laughed at that, how could I not? This woman was truly magnetic, intoxicatingly beautiful, with an attitude and brain to match.

“Okay, you win people may meet by chance— frequently; but that doesn’t equate to love that’s something that grows with time.”

“Oh so she’s a pessimist” Wanda laughed, bitting her lip, before releasing it with a pop.

“I’d like to think I’m realistic”

“Oh no” she argued, pointed a perfectly sharper nail towards me. “You Y/N are just as bad as me- I know it.”

“And how did you figure that?”

“The way your eyes light up when I said it.”

“My eyes?”

“Mm” the redhead hummed leaning forward slightly, “they have little specks in them that contrast with the brown… your little true tellers”

I was taken aback by that I’ll admit, shuffling to straighten my shoulders and regain my composure. The mix of Wanda being so close that I could see the light brush of lipstick she had chosen, mixed with the intimate conversation rattling my demeanour.

Clearing my throat I made a move to take control of the conversation, “did you know his 1914 novel ‘Driven’ was written about Scotland? Primary around about here.” I said point out the window towards the passing landscapes. Fields upon fields of sheep and flowers.

“Maybe we should get off, take a look around.”
Wanda suggested, a flirtatious undertone present.

“We could have lunch on the waterfront.” I continued - anything to see her smile.

“Maybe mess around, buy a house and grow old together” Wanda joked, my eyes surly widening based on her reaction. “Sorry. I've gone too far. Promise I'll behave better from now on.” She pouted.

I had to laugh, truly this woman was something else entirely.

Wanda cleared her throat, “I've never been to the Highlands before, so suddenly... um...
well finding myself single again, so to speak,
I... I thought I'd like to see them. So I'm going to go up as far as Edinburgh by train and then I'm catching the coach to Inverness
and coming down the other side. What do you think?” She asked curiously, resting her chin upon her hand, her elbow resting upon the table.

“The West Coast is extraordinarily beautiful. You might well fall in love with it.”

“And if I were to fall in love, what then?” She asked watching me intently as a pulled out a map and laid it out in front of her.

“Well instead of a coach to Inverness, you might consider the line back to Aberdeen and changing for Oban. From there you can get
any number of boat trips: Iona, Staffa.” I punctuated each place with a tap of my finger on the map, Wanda’s falling to trace a similar train-line. “It's very romantic.”

“And are you romantic?” Wanda asked, her finger catching mine in something similar to a pinky swear. The two index fingers entangled firmly, suspended slightly as the conductor made his way back down the train to ruin the moment.

“now approaching Edinburgh” he bellowed out barely sparing use a second glance.

“So it is.” I sighed looking out the window to see the train pulling into our station, Wanda’s hand reluctantly leaving mine as we both stood to gather our things and depart.

“It was very nice to meet you.” Wanda stated her hands now occupied with a leather satchel.

“You were an unexpected bonus.” I grinned politely, hoping terribly it would hide my disappointment with our parting.

“Well. Thank you again.” Wanda nodded, before stepping off the train and making her way towards the bus station.

I stood and watched her walk away, unable to shake the feeling that something was inherently wrong with my life now without her in it. What a ridiculous notion to attribute to a woman I had just met, and yet the feeling lingered. Wanda’s figure fleeting into a sea of people and off the platform.

And so you see, I am forced to the unlikely conclusion, that I've fallen in love.

And so as my train to Glasgow pulled into platform 4, I ran. I ran across the platform narrowly missing a dozen sets of luggage and tired commuters. Down the steps of the station and intro on coming traffic, a plethora of car horns and shouting calling out behind me as I raced down to the bus station. Her bus was in two minutes, surly I’d missed it?”

I arrived at the empty bus station, merely seconds after the couch to Inverness’ departure. The back of the bus with an add for stark industries newest toaster, mocking me. I panted, more out of disappointment than exhaustion, slumping down to grip my knees, before a hand against my shoulder suddenly awoke me.

“Well hello there” Wanda grinned, her touch all the more warming and welcome as the knowledge that she hadn’t gotten on the couch registered.

“Good afternoon.” I sighed happily, standing straight to speak to her.

“This is a surprise.” Wanda joked, pointing up at the bus in the distance, “I missed my coach”

“I missed my train” I explained falsely, the grin on my face matching that of the shorter woman’s, I hadn’t realised I was taller until just now.

“What a coincidence.”

“What a surprise”

“It's not entirely coincidence.” I breathed looking down at the redhead. She had made the coach in plenty of time, something had obviously stalled her. Or intrigued her enough to change her mind.

“It's not entirely a surprise.” Wanda joked, her hand reaching up to brush a fallen piece of hair from my face. Before she lay to rest on the back of my neck, soothing the tense muscle there.

“Could I make you dinner?”

[millenniumfae]

Dragon Age Demons vs Real-Life 'Inner Demons'

Way back in the summer of 2015, my symptoms got so unbearable I was bedridden. 20 years old and experiencing psychosis, quasi-hallucinations, and actual, unending panic for the first time. It marked the start of a condition that has never stopped since.

My aunt (and other relatives) helped me develop proper mindfulness skills based off of our homeland's folk Buddhism - the 'second arrow'. The meaningless of forgiveness. Devaluing control. And something that struck me as a new Dragon Age fan … 'Possession'.

Well, when translated to english, you'll find texts using the word 'insight' rather than 'possession'. But that's the word my mom translated from off the top of her head, and it immediately resonated with me.

"Imagine your panic as an inner creature. Something that is also you, but is acting independently. Treat your panic with kindness and mentorship, not antagonism. The more you struggle in the spider's web, the worse things get. But if you nourish what's hurting in you, let them tantrum, then come back in to nurture."

Up until the 2010s, the most acclaimed mental health books you could buy written in the english language would most certainly be christianity-influenced. Maybe not overtly, (but you'd be surprised how many have a chapter about "insert-book-topic-here and Christ") but there's little hints like how the reader must have left home at 18 to avoid mooching off their parents, or how to 'turn guilt into something productive' (???), the use of the word 'gamble' as a bad word, etc. But these books tend to include a chapter that would be some weird bullshit like "The Dark Souls Of Respawning?? What Daoism Says About Immortality" and take a brief moment to talk about the radical, never-before-heard-of methods from across the pacific that Will Turn Your World Upside Down.

Behavior therapists (of the 1950s) were aware insights about the origins of the problem usually weren't helpful. Exposure to the thing the patient feared was often curative. -When Panic Attacks by David D. Burns MD, Chapter 18, "Taking a page from the Tibetan Book of the Dead"

Now, it's no secret that the Dragon Age serial is very. Um. Christian. Catholic, specifically. Faith is written to be an unequivocally redeeming trait. Attempts at inventing fake elf/qunari/Tevinter 'religions' still have them be belief-based, colonialist, and conversion-heavy, while also at the same time implying that the 'Maker' of Chantry faith is the single actual true god.

So it's no surprise that the demons and spirits of DA are very seven-deadly-sins. Party banter and side-quests do point out the euro/christian-centricity of this demon categorization (Merrill, Solas), but that doesn't mean shit if, in overall story and gameplay proper, Pride is the most powerful demon while Faith is virtue at all.

So here I am, lying in bed and only capable of just riding the waves of panic day after torturous day. You bet I'm gonna try to geek-erize my symptoms. If people do it with Jesus, then I can do it with Dragon Age.

Enter Vigilance the Spirit. I was an at-risk young Rivani mage, so their Magic Welfare Government helped me join their クサビ-依り代 program and matched me with a spirit to induce possession. Can't boil two skulls in one pot, so to speak. I could have chosen to do their hemispherectomy program (I am made Tranquil but carry around a piece of the Fade like a pacemaker that keeps me perfectly lucid, only turning off when I sleep), but that comes with its own risks.

But it doesn't take much for a spirit of Vigilance to do a 180 and become Panic. They're still Vigilance, and I am still me, but the taste in the mouth is different. Our life will need to adapt.

I will not kick myself for 'failing' my friend. Vigilance has turned to Panic, yes. But they have always been one. Now, so are me and Panic. Such is the nature of spirits.

If I am kind to my spirit, then I am kind to myself. It's what we both deserve.

[darrowsrising]

Can we talk about how smart Darrow is

I'm tired of people thinking that he's really stupid or a himbo when he's so emotionally intelligent and a great strategist, yeah, he's not a genius like Adrius or Virginia or a faux intellectual like Roque but he doesn't need to, his survival depends mostly on his street smarts

he can be oblivious and make silly mistakes but people sometimes take him too seriously when he plays dumb when he needs it to excuse his awkward behavior and intentions.He manipulated Adrius at the institute, manipulated the sovereign and Nero, Virginia had to take a step back to reevaluate how she sees him twice in RR and GS and she agreed with him in Iron gold 😭 this woman wouldn't marry a dumbass

THIS WOMAN WOULDN'T MARRY A DUMBASS.

Unless she was going to kill the dumbass and send his head in a box back to his family 🤭🤭🤭.

Darrow is extremely smart and one of the best strategists. The reason Atalantia even got as far as tricking Darrow is because of Atlas and his decades of experience at war in the Kuiper Belt.

People are severely biased about intelligence in the Red Rising characters. Darrow is somehow dumb and stupid for trusting certain characters, but when he tells others not to trust their ENEMIES, he's either buying his own myth or he is throwing a tantrum. This is what you get when you take things at face value and refuse to use braincells.

Benefit of the doubt expired decades ago in this infernal war. The fact that we have to deal with these idiocies and have Darrow suffer the consequences - not only of his actions, which I would understand - but everyone else's too, is frustrating af.

People were genuinely surprised that Darrow figured out Atlas was behind the massacres in the Rim. I mean...are you for real? Have we read the same book?

Of course he is the only one to figure it out. Of course he knows politics, of course he keeps Virginia's addresses to the Republic on his dataPad, of course he studied her works since she began publishing. Of course hw can keep up with Articifers and Engeneers, Pilots and mathematicians. Of course he actually enjoyed reading absorbing the forbidden works. Of course he is emotionally intelligent and extremely self-aware. Of course he has changed over the years via self-questioning and gathering more info.

I am putting a keep reading here, to compact it a little.

I don't understand how we are debating this. He is stubborn about seeing the good in people - so when he tells you someone is beyond trusting, he is not the dumb one when you don't listen - and equally stubborn about his purpose - which is understandable. Neither of those make him stupid, but yes, they can be flaws - they are in certain situation just like they are qualities in others .

Speaking of understandable, how is it understandable when other characters do dumb, idiotic and/or vile shit in general or against Darrow, but when Darrow is having problems, he is called all kinds of names?

You see, people don't abandon people they love, they abandon people they are done using. And I am tired of the arguments that everyone's motives in hurting Darrow are right 'from their perspective'. Everyone is a hero in their own story, the difference is, Darrow is perfectly aware from the start that he he is not one - he is hyper conscious of his deeds and it kills him to have to do what it takes.

He never called himself a hero of his people. Somehow people can graps the fact that Darrow can do ruthless things to achieve a goal that is morally correct, but they cannot grasp that a character can justify their choices as morally correct based on their circumstances, but that doesn't make it correct.

Darrow knows what he is doing is not heroic or exactly in tune with his own moral compass, he does it anyway when he has to. His circumstances leave him leeway to do it, because things are THAT dark. However, not every character is that self-aware. They can justify themselves and people can gobble it up, but it still doesn't make it right.

And while it can be for far less heinous crimes like certain behaviours or treatment of people around them, just because a character acts a way that makes sense for who they are and they can justify it, it's not automatically good.

Just because it's not that bad of a thing from a character's perspective, doesn't mean it's not objectively bad. Regardless on the amount of info they operate with. Somehow Darrow can be blamed for acting upon little info, but no one else, just Darrow.

Yes, Darrow is very unaware of things happening around him - like relationships, but he got better at it with age. He also finds it surprising to find out people are in love with him - he has a one-track mind called Mustang's Bitch. That doesn't make him a himbo in the least.

More than that, he does make mistakes in his decisions as ArchImperator or leader in general. He is too instransigent/harsh about his goals and wants to take it upon himself as to not drag his loved ones with him. And it's tragic and lonesome and a hell of a flaw. Hopefully he got better at dealing with it. But all that makes him human. Not dumb.

I get that everyone seems smarter between Cassius and Diomedes - sorry, but...LB established these two are extremely dumb - but I still consider debating Darrow's intelligence is absurd af even then.

So yeah, love talking to you 💖🐺💖🐺💖🐺

Edit: I wanted to add that Darrow does not take himself too seriously while still being naturally dramatic and that is also very intelligent of him.

[kaddyssammlung]

The "no sense of self" BPD thing

and also me putting "Vessel" in there. I'm sorry in advance.

I just spent the past few hours reading through a book. I was jumping around in that book. Some books you don't have to read by starting at page one but you can kind of read a little here and there. That book was written by that guy where I buy my alchemistic substances from.

It's what he writes about the arts or artists that kind of stuck with me. He says that the arts have something to do with what I would translate as “a wounded inner child that needs to be heard”. We use art to deal with our pain. I agree with this. It's like giving this wounded child a voice so it can be heard.

So....why am I brining this up.

I've also been reading, and reading and reading about BPD.

There is this symptom of not really having a sense of self. Rather then having an internal feeling of who we are we rely on others to tell us who we are. “Being unable to define an identity on one's own and instead being dependent on interpersonal relationships to define one's identity...” (source). So well...yes I know. Which is why I often dress a certain way when I have to work or why I stopped cross-dressing. No one liked that and I got very strong reactions for it (it was at Uni and it happened a few times and they were always guys and idk...dear God....call me names all you want but don't call me stupid. Stupid dirty dyke that motherf. said to me....noooo I'm not angry. I understand his problem. I actually do kind of). If I had a sense of self then I would not care about these things. I mean those are extreme examples but they are true. I also noticed that I often wear certain jewellery when a certain employee is around that day because I know that she will give me so many compliments. I get dissapointed when she does not comment on it.

So I end up dressing up and not just putting clothes and I do that quit often. I just am not really aware of it but I am now. I mean I know all that but right now I am hyper aware of it actually.

How about you then also enter a stage and rely on everyone to cheer you and sing along or scream along or better yet cry along. Hmmm.....maybe dress up so much that you even put a mask on and not just a costume. And then act out a little. Smooch your bandmates and the crowd just goes feral.

Yeah so....I'm totally doing it again. I'm pinning my BPD on Vessel....well projecting it onto him actually.

I can understand all of this so well. I think I work in retail because it's a bit like being on stage in some way. Humans need me because they want to know something from me. I often use this "stage" to entertain them also. It depends on my mood.

Yeah so...I'm fine. It's January the first and I've been thinking and reflecting way too much, as you can see.

I'm sorry Vessel btw. I understand you on so many levels. At least it feels like I do or it seems that way.

[topazadine]

Mistakes I Made When Self-Pubbing My First Book (Part 3: Ads and Reviews Edition)

Ah, we have arrived at the final part of my self-own, provided in excruciating detail for your viewing pleasure. Part 1 (mindset) and Part 2 (presentation) are here if you missed them.

This time, we will discuss some of the most critical parts of marketing for self-pubbed authors: reviews. And advertising. But mostly reviews.

Failing to build hype ahead of time

I discussed this a bit in Part 1 of my self-excoriation, but it's so important to start telling people about your work before you're ready to publish.

I kind of just didn't talk about my work with anyone before it was published except for my family, so no one knew I was even doing anything. This make it extremely difficult to get anyone interested when I dropped the book because they weren't primed to look for it.

Paying for Amazon Ads

Most self-pubbed authors warn you not to spend any money on Amazon Ads, Facebook Ads, etc, until you have at least three books out. There are a few good reasons for this.

When you don't have any other products to buy, readers will forget to follow up on you.

People are likely to buy all your books in one fell swoop if they liked the first one, meaning you'll get more sales for each click.

When you are likely to make multiple sales from every click, you can bid higher than if your profit margins are for only one book.

For example, assume that Author 1 has only one book and makes $5 from each one. Author 2 has five books and makes $5 from each one.

Author 1 is going to bid low, like $0.22 per click, and set a lower advertising budget of like $50 a month. Most of those clicks will not convert, so they may spend $50 to get only three sales, each for $5. They have spent $50 to make $15 and are now $35 in the negative.

Author 2 can potentially make $25 per click (5 sales). Author 2 can set a much higher budget and bid much higher than Author 1. I won't bother doing the math because it's pretty self-explanatory.

I did spend money on Amazon Ads for my first book because I assumed I was the special snowflake who would do well. I got like 1 sale from the whole campaign before I realized that was stupid and canceled it.

For Pride Before a Fall, I will not be spending any money on ads except for soliciting ARCs once. (Advance Reader Copies will be opening up on November 7, 2024, just for your information.) The rest will all come from meee, baybay!

Chasing trends in my advertising

The problem with advertising trends is that people get sick of them very quickly.

I made a trope page and a ton of people complained about it, saying they were boring and that the very existence of said trope page made them not want to read the book.

That's their right; everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I am not owed sales. But it also made me realize I should just do marketing that resonates with me rather than chasing trends.

Someone also whined about using the word "queer" and saying that it is a slur, which surprised me. I mean, yes, historically it has been a slur, but many people self-identify as queer, myself included. It's been pretty thoroughly reclaimed.

Given Tumblr's younger age range, I didn't expect someone would get that pissy about the term "queer." But I also think a lot of people just like to be haters, and they will shit on anything they think could be even mildly problematic.

Regardless, it did make me aware that I should not assume that my experiences with terms like "queer" are universal. Since that I write LGBT fantasy (I call it queer fantasy, and I have the right to do that because they are my books), I have to be more mindful of how the rest of the community may perceive these things.

Buying a review from an influencer

So, firstly, a caveat.

Buying a review from an influencer is not the same as buying reviews on Amazon. That is a MASSIVE no-no. If you do that, you can very well be banned from the platform. Do not ever, ever do that.

The Amazon reviews and ratings for 9 Years Yearning are completely real and I had absolutely no hand in their creation. I just want to emphasize that.

However ....

This specific review, which is hosted on a separate site, was purchased; as in, I paid for someone to give me some visibility on their site.

If you look through that site, you'll notice that all the books get 5 star reviews. Even the super weird out-there conspiracy theory ones. That's another warning sign.

I spent a chunk of money on this, so I assumed I'd get at least some ROI.

None. I got none. I cannot track any purchases coming from that review at all.

She also made me a TikTok video which got like 9 views. The woman claims to have thousands of follows, but I got almost no engagement from it at all. And certainly no sales.

Spend as little money as possible on your book and commit to doing most of the marketing yourself if you are self-pubbed. You need to build a brand first before you dump money into your book.

Not running an ARC campaign first

Reviews are critical to visibility on Amazon. The algo works so that the more reviews you have, the more Amazon wants to recommend your book to people, even if you are not paying for ads.

It doesn't even matter if they are bad reviews; Amazon does not take the star rating into account when decided which books are getting popular. You can have 1000 honest 1-star reviews and get more of a boost than if you have three honest 5-star reviews.

The problem is that most consumers are not aware of this. Even though 95% of consumers read reviews before purchase, there's a disconnect between how many want reviews and how many bother to leave them.

In fact, only 5-10% of customers will leave a review on any given product, no matter how many times the company chases them down and begs them to review.

But you need those reviews. One of the best ways to get them without resorting to deceptive means is to run an Advance Reader Copy campaign.

On platforms like Booksprout (what I use), you provide a fee and upload a free copy of the book. You're not paying for the reviews itself, but for the platform soliciting potential readers and managing your campaign for you. The platform then advertises the free copy to potential readers who want free books and are willing to leave some sort of review on it.

Now, the nice thing about Booksprout is that it hounds ARC reviewers on your behalf so that you're not sending out emails to dozens of people, reminding them to uphold their end of the bargain. It will punish freeloaders who constantly sign up for copies and then don't submit a review, and it also puts watermarks on your document so that people can't pirate it.

I did not solicit any reviews for 9 Years Yearning before release, and I got very few reviews as a result. The ones I have are wonderful, of course, but having only 7 reviews (as of writing this) does not boost visibility much.

Thankfully, I've learned from my mistake and am running an ARC campaign for Pride Before a Fall, the second installment.

Not continually soliciting reviews

Being stupid, I did not realize just how important reviews are for visibility, so I didn't continually ask for them at first, and so my first readers never thought to leave one.

Since I haven't sold many books, each one of those was a serious missed opportunity that I can never get back; few people are going to go back and review a book they read months ago because they've moved on to new things.

Now I am being much more aggressive with my review solicitation. I updated 9 Years Yearning to include a page like this ....

... and will be including similar verbiage in the rest of the series as well.

This would seem weird if it were included in a tradpub book, but self-pub is different. Since we're doing things all by ourselves, we're allowed to take a few liberties that tradpub authors cannot, and we shouldn't waste that opportunity.

While Amazon does provide a popup asking people to leave a review when they are done, having a personal CTA from the author is more effective. I know this because I'm more likely to leave a review when I see a page like this, and I am sure that other readers are the same.

Thing I Did Right: Ignoring unsolicited book review offers on social media

If you post about your book on platforms like Twitter, you will inevitably get messages like this:

I've also gotten messages from Book Sirens (competitor to Booksprout, which is what I use) and random marketing firms like this:

... Which is written in horrible English, kind of a warning sign.

You will get many of these, and all of them are bullshit. They want to sell you some scammy promo package that may have absolutely no return on investment. These packages can be hundreds or even thousands of dollars, but they don't always work.

Now, I do pay for access to Booksprout, which is about $90 a year for the cheapest package. This allows you to solicit up to 25 ARCs for one book at a time, though you can pay for more ARC access if you choose.

But Booksprout never reached out to me; I found out about them through my own research on which platforms have the best bang for your buck. (NetGalley, for the record, is absolutely not worth your money because it is geared toward publishers, not self-pub authors. Don't waste your cash on that.)

At first, I sniffed around these messages and asked questions about what their process was. Either the messenger shut up or they eagerly told me how much it would cost, at which time I terminated the discussion.

Unless you seek out a product, or the person proposes a trade for you upfront, ignore these messages. Companies so desperate for money that they start harassing randos are not going to offer you good service.

You may also get weird messages from people if you advertise your book on Facebook through private groups, so turn off your DMs so no one except your friends list can message you.

Ahhhhh, don't we all feel so much better now that we know what not to do? I sure do. I'm revved up and ready to go for Pride Before a Fall, arriving Jan 1, 2024.

All these marketing errors? I will banish them with my next book. I will do better. My writing is solid, and now I just need to accent it with more focus on the business side. We can get this done, lads.

So, if you have gotten any value out of this post, be sure to check out The Eirenic Verses on Amazon. It's a 10 part series (well, more like 10-and-a-half, but that's a special tool we'll be explaining later) so there's PLENTY to love.

The entire series will frolic through a variety of subgenres, including romance, family drama, thriller, and adventure. If you don't like the weather in this book, wait 6 months and you'll see an entirely different side.

While all the books are interconnected, they have been crafted so that you can truly pick it up anywhere and understand the plot. However, those noble readers who start from the beginning will appreciate the subtle interweaving of themes and an overlaying masterplot that hides throughout the series.

I'm delighted to share my brainchild with you, and I hope you'll give it a go.

And if you'd like some more freebies before you commit, that's fine.

I have a masterlist of writing posts that you can access right now, all for free.

It's the culmination of over 15 years of experience, two degrees, and 5 years tutoring young writers, sharing everything I know so that you, too, can begin your writing journey. I want you to succeed!

[tenrose]

I gave up, the website is too shitty, literally nothing functions. Idk if the payment really failed or if those suckers are just not able to properly write 'it's sold out'

Now that I'm slightly annoyed...

I'm gonna rant.

First of all theaters can go fuck themselves if they are not able to provide proper services. The cinema I'm talking about in particular is not indie by the way, it's one of the biggest chains here (fuck you UGC) so the bare minimum they could do is provide with actual functional website so people can actually use it and make reservations. Don't even get me started on the price. 11,60€ for me to fucking go out and see people???? And we know seats aren't as good as they used to be in the past. Don't know about the snack prices, I bet it costs two kidneys.

That being said...

FUCK STREAMING PLATFORMS TOO OR EVEN ESPECIALLY

obviously I ain't paying for any. I won't pay for 10 different platforms, and especially not Amazon they can literally rot in hell. Don't even get me started on netflix. I used to pay sometimes back then. Honestly they had something. They used to do an actual effort and trying to show different stuff. They let creative direction to their writers. We wouldn't never have sense8 with today mentality tbh. Everything is just a reboot, a book adaptation emptied from its substance, a reboot, and book adaptation a reboot, a book a- you see the thing. I mean I shouldn't be bitching as pretty much never watch anything new for years so what do I know? I mean I would like to, but every time I watch a trailer, I'm tired just by watching it. Latest exemple I'm thinking about is the three body problem... Like having read the book just watching the trailer you could see the Americanism all over it... For a chinese book. And it's the problem with everything. I mean American TV shows have always be like this, maybe being younger I wasn't aware back then idk. But it feels so empty, so soulless? They can give me all the diversity they want, that doesn't change that it's still empty. And for TV shows (actually I'm talking more specifically about TV shows cause I'm not a big cinephile so I don't have the legitimacy to criticise) I know it's because of that stupid ass 8 episodes format. I've already talked about it. But it's literally draining the whole industry imo. Also writers clearly having little creative freedom since they have to make stuff that sells. But yeah, TV shows lasted physically and in memories because we were watching them slowly instead of this boulimie stuff we have now. Everything is like consume, forget, consume forget and pay shit ton of money.

And I'm thinking I am actually not built for this shit. I felt so burn out not being able to enjoy anything. So now I don't even try. I don't try new shows cause it's not worth it even when there's an actual good one. Because it's gonna be cancelled anyway. Who wants to emotionally invest in shows that get cancelled (I did so many time).

But when I do.

Be sure I will pirate the shit out of it. None of these industries deserve our money.

To finish on a positive note, if there's one thing I'm really happy for in the end. It's books. Sure the book industry is oversaturated too and there's ton of shit to criticise too (but I won't here). But it's so vast there are books everywhere for everyone, and even if tomorrow not a single book would be published (which I don't believe in), there are enough books for my entire life anyway. But yes books, even if formatted too (looking at us french snobs with our novel format), are like the only place writers can still let go of their creativity. Plus you can have cheap books (I'm starting to get there) and obviously free books thanks to libraries, and also you can pirate books too. Yes I pirate books too but tbh it doesn't even compensate how much I spend buying books so I'm not feeling guilty and I either pirate popular books or old books (if they are really old it's free anyway). But yes if you go out unlike me go buy books if you have money, to your local bookstore, or if you can't library is your way.

Reading is my anchor ⚓

[piracytheorist]

So I decided to do something crazy, and I went and bought the eighth manga volume.

I know, I know! Its chapters will only now start getting adapted. I am aware and in fact, as I got it I didn't even open it or look at the back cover.

And yes, I haven't even bought volume 6 or 7 yet, but I wanted to try reading the "new" chapters in printed form. I still only have that same laptop that makes reading digital chapters difficult and distracting from immersion, so I decided I can try and buy this volume so I can go chapter by chapter from a physical copy. I mean, I already have the digital copies available at any given moment, and I intended on buying the volume later anyway, so it's not like I believe it will be an extra temptation or that I would have changed my mind about continuing on buying the manga volumes.

If my calculations are correct, the upcoming episode this Saturday will include the last chapter from volume 7 and the first chapter from volume 8, so after watching it I can read the former digitally and the latter physically, and see if that makes the manga reading even more interesting.

I would have bought more volumes, but I'm a little tight on money right now. My paycheck will come in about two weeks so I think then I can buy 6, 7 and even 9, and be prepared for the respective episodes!

For now, my collection is a little wonky but it'll get there!

I won't lie, it was really strange to get the volume in my hands and resist the temptation of turning it over to see the back cover or flipping through it. WHAT OTHER ANIME ONLY GOES TO SUCH LENGTHS. I was so giddy holding it and yet I was like "Must not turn over. Must not open. Resist the spoilers."

So for now it will sit in the drawer I keep the rest of the volumes in (I don't have a shelf but I do have lots of drawers for such uses XD) and I will slowly go through it, week by week, until its last chapter is adapted into the anime! And if I find it an interesting way of going through the story right after watching the episodes, I will probably continue doing so for as long as I can easily get my hands on a copy.

I may actually have trouble finding some volumes. Volumes 1 and 3 I got from Book Depository, which has now closed, and volumes 2, 5 and now 8 I got from a Greek comic chain store, which only has up to volume 9 available. Volume 4 I got from Blackwell's, which may be my only choice of buying newer volumes aside from amazon, since I don't want to support amazon. But I guess volumes past 9 will be a problem for the Nette of next year, lol.

[sburbian-sage]

My session has five players. I'm a Heir of Heart, and we also have a Thief of Heart, Sylph of Time, Rogue of Space, and Witch of Breath.

I've never rolled Heart before, so I was hoping the Thief could kind of teach me. He was actually pretty excited about it, talking about how he was always a mentor to his little siblings before the game started, and how he'd wanted to be a teacher when he grew up, stuff like that, and so was super on board with helping me out.

Big mistake on my part I guess.

First of all, he keeps messing with out coplayer's shinies. He says that's normal, because he's a Thief, so that's what he's supposed to do, and that it's all for their own benefit anyway, so it's not that bad.

But the first think he did was make them not care that he was fucking with their shinies. So, I feel like, that's a breach of ethics, right? But he says it's necessary, or we'd all spend the rest of the session arguing about it.

And the rest of it, from what I've seen, really has looked normal. I mean, when I look at their shinies, he really does seem to be mostly changing things that make sense. Making the Space player like frogs more, making everyone get along better, and so on. There's some changes I have trouble parsing, but when he explains them, they make sense. Maybe I'm just not good enough at all this yet to understand by just looking.

And he says he hasn't messed with mine. He says that I'd be able to tell if he had, and undo it easily, so there'd be no point.

(The Heart guides I've read seem very split on this. Some say Heart makes it easier to be mind controlled, some say it makes your mind so ironclad you can do drugs and not even feel them, some say that it helps against mind control but not that much. I dunno what sources are credible.)

And then he pats my head, and says stuff like "and why would I need to change a student as perfect as you?"

...And yes, I am a good student. I am very good. I am very smart. I study things and ask smart questions and learn all about how to do anything I need to people's shinies.

But I remember I didn't do very well in school. I remember all the stories I used to try and write but only ever half-finished. I remember my parents buying me a lot of books, and always feeling like it was passive aggressive.

If I was always so studious, so focused, doesn't that conflict with that stuff?

Here's the rub though: I have a family history of schizophrenia.

When I force myself to calm down, I can rationalize that stuff away. I didn't do well in school, but Sburb is easier to take seriously. Same for the half-finished art projects, maybe I only slacked on them because the weren't important. The books felt passive aggressive because I read so *much*- I do remember reading a lot-, not so *little*, and I've just forgotten what happens in a lot of the books because they weren't very good or something.

I can't tell if I'm having a mental problem and paranoia is getting the better of me. Or if he's already changed so much of my memories and thought processes that it's a miracle I'm able to send this message at all.

(Can Heart players even manipulate memories, to make you forget they did anything to you? He says yes, but that it's hard, and that such a thing seems over the line to him anyway. Some guides agree, some guides say it's actually easy, some guides claim it's only a Mind thing.)

Dawg what the fuck.

Thieves are assholes but they're supposed to be assholes towards the enemy. This is like a Knight saying "well my class is combat-oriented so I'm actually in the right to murder my coplayers whenever I want to".

Messing with the Shiny for the purposes of getting shit done is okay, but only with the consent of the dude getting tweaked. The fact that he has to modify them to not care means that this situation is in fact Not That.

I would lean on the side of "Heart players seem very self-aware given how much they interact with and have to be aware of Their Own Soul", so they're probably resistant to mind control. Messing with the Shiny is a bit more than mind control though, but I'm willing to bet that you'd be resistant not only because you're a Heart player, but an Heir of Heart specifically. You are being more or less guarded by your own Aspect, so if anything you wouldn't even need to be aware of any mind control for you to shake it off.

I don't know if you're being mind controlled, by the way. All that stuff about "I lack focus and did poorly in school but I'm good at SBURB" is fairly common. There's like a whole thing about "Skaian Prodigies" and the fact that most of our existences are inextricably tied to SBURB (Ectobiology).

I can say with utmost confidence though that you are 100% being groomed my guy.

If you can, try and reverse whatever Shiny-tweaking he's done to the other players, so you can get their honest opinion on what they think of being messed with in such a manner. I would also advise that you "show the teacher how far the student has come" and tweak his Shiny so he isn't so callous and creepy and weird. You're an Heir, so you should have the advantage over him in terms of "your mythological role is just being good at the thing you're supposed to be doing". There's several layers of unacceptable behavior going on here such that I want to take a shower after having read this.